It's Been a While...

So I've realized that it's been over three months since I've written an update, and I apologize to all my faithful and diligent readers (all 5 or so of you, I'm sure).  But seriously, a big part of why I'm writing today is to thank you all for your continued prayers and support through this whole process, and to let you know that your prayers and happy thoughts are being heard by someone with a higher power than mine.  I should have updated after the scan I had back in November, but the holidays happened--and with the holidays came delicious eating opportunities (a guaranteed distraction) and a lot of cross-country traveling to spend time with family.  Then the new semester got started, and my workload exploded--I literally get a new stack of research articles about four inches high to read at the beginning of each week on top of whatever other school type "stuff" that needs to be done.  Anyways, I could make excuses for why I haven't written all day long, but what it really comes down to is the fact that I like sleep...like reallllllly like it...and when I have a chance to get it, I take full advantage.  Netflix may also play a semi-significant role in this situation, but we don't have to get into that.

Actual update time--I'll go ahead and take it back to November:  I finished my last treatment and had a follow up CT scan to get a good photo of ol' Eugene, the results of which we got like the week before Thanksgiving or so.  At that point we (my parents made the trip east for the occasion, and Chris was with us of course) were told that Eugene had shrunken by a little over 30%.  As you can potentially imagine--and if you can't, don't worry, because I'm about to describe it for you in excruciating detail--that incited a roller coaster of emotions for everyone in the room.  I'm pretty sure we all cried, although each of us for a little different reason.  I can't speak for the others (although I'm pretty sure they were "happy" crying), but I was angry--like flat out pissed off.  I mean, I did everything right.  I went to all the crappy chemotherapy treatments, I maintained a positive attitude throughout the whole ordeal, said my prayers each day, ate all my vegetables at dinner, smiled at strangers in the grocery store, did my chores, and cleaned behind my ears--okay, maybe I didn't eat ALL my vegetables...but still.  I cooperated, but freaking Eugene was still there--alive and kicking.  And the doctor's smiling as he's telling me that I'm going to go through another round of chemo.  Meanwhile, I was fighting off the urge to smack him in the mouth and tell him that it was NOT a time for smiling.  I didn't WANT to go through chemo anymore.  I wanted Eugene gone, and I wanted him gone RIGHT THEN.  As all of this was going through my mind, Chris was playing the role of the level headed question asker (because somebody had to be an adult while I was busy being a spoiled brat), and getting my future treatments scheduled.  It wasn't until we were waiting in line to check out of the office that I regained perspective.  As Chris tried repeatedly to convince me that this was all good news (turns out he was right) while I insisted on just being mad and upset, I happened to look up and around me.  That's when I saw the woman there who had obviously received news that she didn't view as having been good--and she was there alone while the people I loved most in the world were right beside me and on the other side of a wall; I saw an elderly couple, the man in a wheelchair--weakened from his therapy and the cancer deteriorating his body--as I stood under my own power with plenty of energy to be angry; I saw another young couple, nearly paralyzed with fear and uncertainty, while I stood knowing my diagnosis/treatment plan and the fact that I had the infinite support of everyone I know.  As I was taking this all in, Chris was reminding me that my parents were there, that we were heading home to Texas in a week and going to get to see my family, that the semester was almost over, and Christmas break was near--with another opportunity to see family, that he was going to be there with me each day, no matter what, and that--most importantly--I was going to have the opportunity to eat REAL MEXICAN FOOD AND BARBECUE IN TEXAS...also that Eugene was SMALLER and no new tumors had developed (which, in reality, was a big deal).  And then it all sank in.  I sent up a little 'thank you' to the man upstairs for giving me the strength to endure, the good humor to put up with it, and the incredible support system to get me through it all--and I decided to suck it up and move on.  We got checked out of there, headed north for the first treatment of my new round of chemo, got through with that, had a nice dinner with my parents, and headed home.

From there I took it one day at a time, as best I could.  Sometimes advanced planning is required, and the future has to be taken into consideration, but for the most part I try to live in the moment.  I savored every moment of the holidays with my family--hugged everyone a little tighter than usual--and left with every intention of seeing them all again soon.  Since school has started back up, I've thrown myself into everything I can handle, and done my best to stay on track.  It makes things easier to stay busy--the days when I have treatments or scans are always a little tougher, because it forces me to focus on the fact that Eugene is still around instead of distracting myself with writing field reports and reading articles about chicken diseases.  But I try to maintain perspective, and remember the fact that it could always be worse.  Reality is, I'm in an incredible place in my life with so much to look forward to, I work with awesome people each and every day in an industry that I love, I have an inconceivably amazing support system thanks to all of you and many others, and...I'm kind of a big deal if we're really being honest with ourselves.

That brings us to today:  I finished my last round of chemo two weeks ago, and had the follow up scan last Friday.  Today we got the results of that scan, and Eugene is still shrinking, although not enough to actually cut him out right now.  I went in this morning with a more realistic perspective I think.  Not being a pessimist or having a negative attitude, but being practical yet positive.  I decided that I was going to take any news of him having gotten smaller as good news and just proceed as necessary, which is what I've done.  He's about the size of one of those bigger gumballs you get out of the quarter machines--a little over an inch in diameter--so smaller than a ping pong ball, but still big enough to be a problem.  The doctors have decided to proceed with another round of chemo treatments, which entails another two months of treatment every other week (4 total), and we're going to meet with the surgeon just to touch base since we haven't seen him since sometime in like October.  I'm having my first of the four treatments right now (all hooked up and the poison is flowing), we'll meet with the surgeon next Friday, and the oncologist again in a month.  Until then, I'm going to live my life as normal as possible--save for the occasional bouts of nausea and anxiety that come with the chemo treatments.  But at least I can eat what I want without having to worry about my jeans getting too snug :-)

As always, thank you all for reading alllllllll the way to the end.  Bless you all for your support, and if you could say a little prayer or two for all my friends and loved ones fighting the ol' cancer monster, all of them would appreciate it just as much as I would.  Love and happy thoughts to all!