'fam-uh-lee

When most people think of the definition of the word "family", they think of it in association with some degree of biological linkage.  Mr. Webster himself is of this notion with definitions such as "a group of people of common ancestry" and "a person's children".  But the one definition that Mr. Webster lists that I identify best with is "a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation".  I like this one best because it does not define what that affiliation must be--there's no requirement for genetic linkage.  This is how I was raised.

I'm not one to readily "let people in" my life.  Some may say I'm even a bit standoff-ish at times.  I'm polite--that was beaten into me from a very early age (gently, of course)--and I'm pretty easy to hold a conversation with, but if I'm really going to let someone in and let all of my barriers down, that means something to me.  It means that you are becoming a part of my "family".  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those crazy "security nuts"--I think passwords are a waste of my time...I don't care who sees my medical records (honestly, I think all the tree huggers need to be going after whomever came up with that HIPAA thing because they're wasting more paper than the rest of us that aren't recycling the inside of our toilet paper roll thingies)...and I'm pretty quick to voice my opinion (whether I think you want to hear it or not).  But a lot of what folks see on the outside is a (highly) sarcastic facade--I'm very apt to use humor and cynicism to avoid "facing the music" in most situations.  I don't think that people outside of my inner circle would readily describe me as "touchy-feely" or warm and fuzzy--although that may all change for those of you that are reading this blog now.

Sorry if I'm rambling, but I'm getting to a point, I promise...and that point is that I've quickly found my family growing.  We are united by a certain conviction and a common affiliation, and that is the belief that cancer sucks.  They also might care about me a little bit, but there's no doubt in my mind that every single one of them/you can agree that cancer really really sucks.  Almost everyone has, unfortunately, experienced cancer in some capacity--they have/had it or someone they know/knew had/has it.  And in every case there is an emotional connection of some degree.  When I'm faced with that kind of emotional connection, my barriers crumble.  We immediately become related--bonded by the wound that cancer has created on our hearts.  This stands true for my "blood" relatives, with whom I have shared in the loss and the defeat of this bastard.  It also stands true for my friends, near and far/old and new, that offer their prayers and support.  This includes you, if you're reading this--WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!!!

When you think of cancer, sunshine and rainbows aren't typically at the forefront of the thought process--you've gotta push through the thunderbolts and fire-breathing dragons, and then just after you travel through the lollipop forest, you get a glimpse of that sunshine.  That's what you have to look for in the midst of this.  And for me, family is the brightest sunshine and the biggest, boldest rainbow that's ever been in the sky.  One of the positive effects of having a disease like this one is that it really leads you to evaluate what is truly meaningful in life.  For me, that's all of you.  This weekend, as I mentioned in my last post, I had the opportunity to travel down to Florida to see my cousin marry his beautiful best friend.  Now, aside from my parents, I haven't gotten to see any of my relatives since I left Texas in June--and while you may think "four months, big whoop", please keep in mind that I was accustomed to seeing at least some of these folks every other week or so.  My heart was so full at just getting to visit with them during those few hours at the wedding that it was all but heart-breaking to tell them each goodbye.

To counter that crushing feeling, I look to the good things I have to come--I'm going to see them over the holidays after this first chemo battle with Eugene is over and done with, I got to come back to Athens--to continue to partake in the opportunity I've dreamed of for the last eight years, I get to work with some of the smartest and most caring men and women in my field on a daily basis (my sweet, sweet PDRC family <3), I'm attending an awesome conference with a whole group of people that share my passion for the poultry industry this weekend in Ocean City, Maryland and eating awesome seafood and seeing awesome scenery (a lot of awesomeness there), my beautiful little sister and niece are coming to visit me in less than two weeks, we're going to start BTHO Eugene one week from today, one of my best friends is coming to visit in November, I have a loving family and the greatest friends and support system a girl could ask for, and I have the most incredible man in the world to stand by my side or carry me through every single step of all of this.  So that's what I'm looking towards.  And I will continue to add things to that list--however small and seemingly insignificant they may become.  I refuse to become a slave to cancer.  It will not win. 

Thank you for being a part of my family, and for giving me something to be thankful for.  I'd like to ask a small favor--if you're praying (and that's entirely your choice, of course--but if you are) please add my friend Jennie's daddy (Dave Allen) to your prayer list.  He, too, is battling this beast and could use all the support that I know you guys are capable of giving.  Also, today starts Breast Cancer Awareness month, so "Save the Ta-Tas" and wear some pink in honor of the strong and brave women (and men) that have fought this SOB.